Autonational
by elanev91
Summary: Drabble - James forgot to turn the lights off on the car again, and his battery dies. His wife is not even remotely pleased. Muggle AU, Modern AU


Shout out to my best friend in the whole wide, professor-riddikulus, for this little gem. This really happened to them today and I decided to be a shithead and write about it.

* * *

"Well, I don't fucking know, I - " the mobile beeped in Lily's ear and she pulled it away from her face, glanced at the screen. _James._ "Shit," Lily pressed the mobile back to her ear, "It's James, Marls, I'll call you back."

"Alright," Marlene said, "tell that bastard I say hello," and she clicked off. Lily chuckled, rolled her eyes, accepted James' call and pressed the phone to her ear again. "Hey," Lily sandwiched the phone between her shoulder and her ear, stirred the pasta sauce she had simmering away on the stove.

"Hi…" James' voice had that soft 'please don't kill me' quality about it that immediately triggered something in her.

"Oh christ," Lily set the spoon down on her spoon rest, dropped a hand onto her hip, "what did you do?"

"Uh," James hesitated, and Lily knew that his hand was currently buried in his hair, "I did it again."

Lily threw her hand up in the air, "For fucks sake, James, not again!" She spun away from the stove, and began pacing back and forth in the kitchen, "This is the third fucking time"

"I just forgot!" She knew James had probably thrown his hands up in the air, too, was probably pacing in the bloody carpark around their now entirely useless car.

"How did you forget, James? How?! The bloody thing beeps when you take the keys out if the lights are still on!"

"I was in a hurry this morning!" He sounded defensive, but she knew that he knew he was wrong.

"So they were on all day?!"

James cleared his throat, "Yes?"

Lily wanted to rip her hair out, "No wonder the fucking battery is drained, James, _ugh_ ," Lily pinched the bridge of her nose, let her eyes fall closed, and drew in a slow, steady breath. James, who knew better by now, just sat silently on the line while he waited for Lily to calm down. "Alright," Lily said after a few moments, "I'll call Autonational, but I can't guarantee they'll come rescue your stupid arse. You still aren't on the card."

"I know, I just keep forgetting to - "

Lily held her hand up in front of her as though he were actually there, "And, for the record, this is why I keep telling you that you need to get jumper cables, James," she said, resuming her pacing again, "I tell you every bloody time this happens and every time you say, 'I won't do it again, Evans, I promise'," she deepened her voice in imitation of him and she heard him make a noise over the line that sounded suspiciously like a laugh he'd just barely contained, "and then it fucking happens again and we have to have the same bloody conversation over and over until I want to strangle you!"

"You would never strangle me, love," and she _knows_ he's smiling now. She huffs into the phone, "I wouldn't be so fucking sure, Potter. And don't tempt me to leave you stranded, I'm the only one that can save you here, and if you keep sassing me, I won't call Autonational and you'll need to walk all the way home."

She was sure that he was still biting back a laugh, positive that he wanted to try to defuse the tension with some kind of dumb joke, but he also knew how _very_ not in the mood she was. He sighed, and she could tell from the rustling on the line that he'd switched his phone to the other ear, "Well, call me back when you're done?"

Lily sighed, "Yeah, alright." She clicked off the phone and let her arm fall down to her side. It was a stupid thing to be this pissed off about, something that, she knew, they probably wouldn't really remember in a year, or even a few months from now - but it had happened so many goddamned times now that she couldn't help the bubble of rage that boiled inside her. _How fucking hard is it to remember to turn off the blooming lights?! I manage to do it when I drive to work, it's not that fucking hard._

She tipped her head back, closed her eyes, chanted the mantra that had gotten her through a number of other similarly enraging situations, "I love him because he's pretty, I love him because he's pretty, I love him because he's pretty." She took a moment to roll out her shoulders and take another deep breath before she opened her mobile up again, sifted through her contacts until she found the number for Autonational.

After their now tried and tested routine of begging the person on the other end to 'Please, can you send someone out to help him, I know he isn't on our card yet, yes, I know we got married months ago, I know you're not supposed to do this, we swear we'll add him as soon as he gets home, please, he can't fix a car to save his damn life,' Lily called James back to let him know that she'd, once again, saved his sorry arse from certain death in the middle of the carpark outside his office building.

"They'll be there in a half an hour," Lily said as soon as James answered the phone. He sighed, and when he spoke, he had that soft, placating tone about him again, "Thanks. I love you, my amazing, brilliant, beautiful wife."

Lily snorted, dumped the pasta she'd been boiling into the colander, "You're only saying that because I saved your fucking arse. _Again._ "

She tossed the pasta back into the pot, ladled in a generous helping of sauce and gave it a stir, before she poured herself a hearty serving. She could practically feel James shaking his head through the phone when he replied, "No, not just because of that. I just love you."

Lily scooped a giant forkful of pasta into her mouth, "Whatever, Potter. You owe me."

James laughed, "Oh, yeah? And what do I owe you, Evans?"

Lily hummed, ate another bite of pasta, "Some of that gelato I like and sex. Lots of sex."

James laughed again, louder, and she was still really, really fucking irritated with him, but damn it to hell, he had a nice laugh. And, she scooped another bite of pasta into her mouth, she had dinner and aircon, and his stupid arse had to sit in that hot as all fucking hell carpark until Autonational showed up.


End file.
